hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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