So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
