Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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