The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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