This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
