ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
