My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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