the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
