I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
