Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
