it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
