South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
