mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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