Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We have started to decorate penises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
