Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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