Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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