he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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