Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
