dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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