After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
