how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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