just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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