Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize