okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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