the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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