So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
