I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
