My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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