If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
