You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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