Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
