The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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