ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize