i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
