this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
