i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
