I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
