You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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