no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
