so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
