So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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