I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
