I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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