It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
