Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
