I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
