sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
