all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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