just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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