dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
