He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
