sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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