Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You have to summon your inner elephant
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
