We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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