my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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