Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
