My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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