she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I currently don't understand fingers.
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