shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize