well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
