I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
