i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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