We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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