After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
