I am puke
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
