I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
