I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
