So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
