Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
