i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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