i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
