Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
