Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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