**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
