i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's always time for handjobs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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