God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
