you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
