my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize