So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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