I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
