I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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