Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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