Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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