I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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