Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
