I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
