When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So vagazzling was a success
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
