return my video game
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
