I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
