I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
