Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
