Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
