if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
