I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
