Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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